Just Play

Do you remember those timeline projects you did in school?
You'd put descriptions or photos over certain milestone dates. 


1983 -(I was born)  2007-(Got Married)   '07-'15 (Had Babies)    Tomorrow (TBD)


Our lives are filled with eras, the "befores" and "afters". These milestones are the markers of the beginnings and ends.

"Before I had kids" - "before I had this job"-  "after my parent died"- "before we moved away"- "after my divorce" - "after our kids were grown"- "after my illness"- "before I met my best friend".

Some of us have a lot to pack into our timeline if we made one today.
(Side note: how fun would that be?!)

Looking back we are able to see these eras, remember the milestones that signify the start and finish of each. We can review our past selves and see our personal growth.
Unfortunately, much of the appreciation for everything in the middle is done after the fact.

Sometimes we get a glimpse, a quick snapshot of reality that reminds us we are dealing with a deadline. A "the end of an era is coming so live in the moment", moment.
Yes, I know life in general is finite but that's not what I'm talking about.

Although I am in a new stage of taking time off from working I am still in my "Had Babies" era and doing all that it entails. But not for long.

My third child, my not-so-baby boy, my last.
His birth represented the beginning of the end.

His bubble bath yesterday gave me a glimpse. I got my snapshot. Ive already been painfully reminded to live in the moment but sometimes we get an emotional shove, er, gentle whisper that we are getting close. To me, personally, its a big one.

Eventually our bathtub will no longer stock the tear free shampoo. Giggles wont echo.
It wont be splashed in or littered with little toys. There will be no more dinosaur wars waged.
I wonder when this will take place.

Where will our final Jurassic fight fall on my timeline?

And this is just a bath! There are so many other lasts on the way.

I revel in these simple representations of where I am in this life because its easy to get caught up and lost in everything we have to do. Its moments like this that push me to focus. To slow down.

My Uncle Bobby who passed away from ALS in 2011 told me during a visit, as I was going on and on about what all we needed to do: "leave the dishes in the sink Megan, and just play." 
As Moms, we are always "busy" for whatever reason.
Reasons we made up.  A deadline or requirement that doesn't even exist.

What good is being busy if its just to do all the things that don't really matter?
Busy for fear of....? Appearing to be lazy? Having a messy house? The opinions of others?

I've wasted a lot of precious time being too hard on myself, too hard on my kids. The end of several eras have passed me by while I was too "busy" being careless with my time.
Careless with their time. I didn't just play.

I loop my Uncle's words in my mind and God, I wish I could go back. Even for one afternoon of Barbies or Ninja Turtles.

Life is always changing. Some things we can prepare for and others will blindside us.

My "Raising Kids" era will be two decades long, I know. But along the way I will have to check some boxes for the last time. It makes me sad but I know its coming. I will make sure I am as prepared as I can be.

I wont be handicapped by my brain's imaginary limits.  Our hearts are what hurt when its all over. So why can we let our heart lead us?

But, until it happens and I check this box for the last time, I will fight the T- Rex through mountains of bubbles and I will smile at the drops splashed on the wall.

I will leave the dishes in the sink and just play.